The Definition of Jew

"So I work at this Hebrew school," she says, "It's Reform, so a lot of the couples are intermarried. And so it's so funny because there are all these kids with the last name Gonzalez or Campbell and they're probably really Jewish and then there are all these kids whose last names are Cohen or Levy and they're probably not!"

Ever hear something like this? The above is an approximation of something a friend of mine told me many years ago. I remember laughing at the time. How odd, I thought. A Cohen that's not Jewish and a Gonzalez that is. How twisted and strange.

It is now years later and my life, my outlook, my world are very different than they were when I first heard that story.

I have a good friend who lives in my town. She was born Christian and later in her life became distanced from the religion of her birth and more just spiritual. Then she met the man she would eventually marry. He was Jewish. He never pressured her to become Jewish, but through him she fell in love with the religion and eventually decided to convert.

She looked at all the different Jewish affiliations, spoke to all the rabbis of the different congregations, and found that the one philosophy which most resonated with her was that of the Conservative movement. And so it was under the guidance of this rabbi that she converted.

Today, her family attends that synagogue regularly. They also celebrate Shabbat and the holidays with an enthusiasm that is rare among practicing Jews. They keep kosher. My parents, sisters, all of the people in the world that I come from, indeed almost any Orthodox Jew, would not consider her or her children to be "really" Jewish.

I remember also the story of my second cousins. My grandmother's sister had intermarried; indeed, she had converted to Christianity when she got married. She then went on to have four children and raise them Christian. "They're really Jewish, and they just don't know," we used to whisper to each other as kids. 

I think of my friend who converted, of my second cousins, of that story that I laughed at so long ago. How terrible! To imagine that one group has the power to define membership in a religion. It's even kind of juvenile; the way in high school, groups of kids turn up their noses at that one other kid who they've decided is a "poser." It's also just plain bizarre for a group that (rightfully) sees themselves as endangered, as losing members constantly to secular world, to turn away anyone who wants to be part of their religion. And, at the same time, clings so desperately on to those who don't even see themselves as Jewish.

So where does this idea of the Jewish blood line come from? I know the halachah upon which this is all based, that lineage is determined by the mother. From my understanding, the reason for this is that, historically, you could never be sure of a child's paternity, but you could of their maternity. But with modern science, that problem is now gone.

And why the obsession with the one standard way of conversion? In other words, why does it matter? If someone wants to be part of the Jewish tradition, shouldn't that be enough? Especially if that person who is raised without religion entirely but has a Jewish mother can just (poof!) become a practicing Jew over night if they wish?

It really just seems like some kind of magical thinking to me. As if people just believe there's some sort of innate quality to being Jewish. I guess they do believe this, though it seems absurd to me. I remember one rabbi in high school teaching us that Jews possess a nefesh (spirit?) and a neshama (soul), whereas non-Jews possess only a nefesh.

And so I come back then to the question: Judaism, as defined by its adherents -- a race or a religion? It seems to me like it is the former.