Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A Very Belated Update (Re: Marriage)

After receiving an email from the Evolving Jew asking me about it, I realized I never updated this blog with the happenings related to my getting married.

By American law, we are officially married, and have been for a number of months. We never had any ceremony, however -- be it secular or religious. I never did find a way that I could make an Orthodox ceremony work for me, nor did I settle on a non-Orthodox ceremony (really just because it wouldn't make a lick of difference to either of our parents, both sets of whom are Orthodox).

I guess the only reason for our having a ceremony at all is to get our relatives to acknowledge the fact that we're married, which nobody really has. When we visit our families, we stay in separate houses (pretty crazy considering the fact that we are very much adults AND we live together, whether or not they want to acknowledge the validity of a secular marriage). We are super respectful of their traditions when around them and sometimes I just wish that the respect came the other direction, as well.

Since we wouldn't really be having the ceremony for ourselves (we both see ceremony as unnecessary and not something particularly appealing), having anything other than an Orthodox ceremony would be ineffectual, since neither of our parents would recognize it as anything worthwhile. And I cannot and will not just swallow the issues that I have with Orthodox marriage to make other people (even my family) happy.


kisarita said...

Good for you.
But isn't some sort of civil ceremony performed at the justice's office? Or is it just a matter of filling out paperwork?

Philo said...

My wife and I had a civil ceremony a few months before our Jewish wedding, mainly so she could get on my health insurance. But because it was convenient geographically, instead of some paper pusher, it was the mayor of a small town that married us at town hall. He said some nice words and seemed to really care. Plus, we got to kiss, which was not "allowed" under the chuppah at our Orthodox wedding a few months later.

On Her Own said...

In the state I live in, you can be parties to your own marriage. In other words, no priest, no rabbi, no judge, nothing like that. We filled out paperwork in an office, gave them a check, and we were married.

Anonymous said...

Congrats - I guess I missed the part about you getting married in the first place.
I know you want to protect your privacy and may not want to answer this but I would love to know which state you live in. When my husband and I were ready to get married, we wanted to do just what you did, but in our state and any nearby, some officiation was required, with the exception of a self-officiating marriage which still required two witnesses.

On Her Own said...

Hey Marie--
I won't put it on my blog, but you can email me at onherown100 AT gmail DOT com if you want to know the state. :-)