Sunday, June 19, 2011

Getting Personal

A few months ago, in a rather vague post, I mentioned that things in my life had taken a turn for the worse. Well here's the low down: my husband and I have split up.

It's been a few months now and I'm doing a lot better (enough to blog about it, I suppose). The divorce papers have been filed and now it's just a matter of waiting it out and continuing to heal.

Those of you who've been reading this blog for a little while may recall that the whole marriage was fraught with family-related complications. I just want to make clear that this has nothing to do with why the marriage fell apart.

Also, due to the generally impersonal nature of this blog, many of you may think this was a whirlwind relationship as we got married and then divorced in a little over a year. This is also not true, as we were together for a number of years and constantly struggling with the fact that our families expected us to have an Orthodox wedding but we were deeply opposed to it.

In any case, the falling apart of this relationship has been very difficult and emotional for me, but I have begun the process of moving on with my life. This, obviously, brings up the key question of who I will allow myself to date. In other words, with the beliefs I currently hold, will I limit myself to only Jewish men?

My gut reaction is to answer that with a definitive "no." Finding someone with whom you connect on a deep level is difficult enough. Why would I limit myself to a fraction of the population? That said, how would I break news like that to my family? Just the idea of it terrifies me.


elizabeth said...

oy, my condolences.
it sounds hard.
hope it ends quickly and well.

kisarita said...

oh oh oh
are you facing any I told you sos?
I'm hurting for you!

Abandoning Eden said...

Hey- sorry you are going through this.

I don't think you have to make a decision about dating jews right this minute. For now why not enjoy being single for a bit? Back when I was single, I took a year off from dating once to try to figure out what it really was *I* liked (since I had spent like 20 years growing up orthodox and then 4 years in a relationship with my kinda orthodox ex before grad school and didn't really know myself), what exactly I wanted to be my level of jewish observance (before then I had been kinda wishy washy and still went to many jewish events even though they made me miserable out of a sense of guilt or something, that year I stopped going to anything jewish) and what kind of guy it was I really wanted to be with, etc. It was an awesome year, and shortly after the end of it I met my husband...after ending a major relationship, I think it's good to take some time for yourself, kinda getting to know yourself that is you outside of that relationship if that makes sense.

Anyways sorry to ramble a bit there...hope to hear more from your blog as you start trying to figure stuff out. :)

Undercover Kofer said...

Heya there...first time I saw you blog and immediately added you to my blogroll :)

I am sorry to hear you went through a tough time and congratulations on being able to start anew (I am in a not-so-ideal relationship myself and I wished I had done so before we had kids).

Good luck with whatever you do and keep on blogging!

On Her Own said...

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your condolences and your advice.